About a month or so ago I received a letter from my dad, unexpectedly. His opening paragraph had me chuckling – chuckling in amazement that, once again, he proves my point about his narcissism. Oh, on the surface of it, it seems harmless and as though he truly wants to restore a relationship with me and my family. But read closely. Can you spot the problems? (Please keep in mind that I’ve had no other communication with my parents since their last email, which addressed my 12 page letter to them. And this letter was hand written.)
“Chris and Alexa,
Wow! Can you believe it’s been over twenty years since you two were married. We’ve experienced a lot of life during that time and seen a lot of ups and downs. Stuff like raising kids, financial valleys (for us including shutting down two companies and bankruptcy), moving, building house, marriage of kids and grand babies, spiritual awakenings, and lots of emotions. Life doesn’t slow down and yet we’re always facing forward and choosing to Rejoice in The Lord through it all. Continue reading
I’ve been pondering the idea, or virtue, of forgiveness lately.
Some people’s response to me about the situation between my parents and me is that I need to forgive them so I can let it go, move on. I’m slightly puzzled, because I did/have forgiven them (multiple times, as needed, every time they re-do what they always do), but somehow by me sharing my experiences means that I haven’t forgiven them and moved on. Continue reading
Recently I became fed up with the lies, insinuations and manipulations of my parents, so I wrote a blog post about my love story to set the record straight. As you can imagine, it set off fireworks in my parents’ household and sparked outrage in some of my siblings. It wouldn’t, shouldn’t, have, except my parents have done a marvelous job indoctrinating their children from birth in their fundamental, patriarchal, narcissistic thinking and belief system.
You see, they neglected to indoctrinate and isolate me from birth, but started rather late, around the age of eleven or so and then, shortly thereafter, joined a cult. Not that I didn’t enjoy the same Bible-thumping, hell and damnation, you’re-a-sinner-and-you’ll-always-be-a-sinner teaching that my siblings got. However, by age 12 I had already enjoyed too much freedom to observe how other people interacted, decide how I was going to behave in any given situation, and begin to decide if I agreed with my parents or not. To them I was a rebel; how dare I question them on anything, think what I wanted instead of what they expected, and try to be an individual apart from them. Continue reading
Warning: this is a long, extremely personal letter, so get a drink and get comfortable. Also, the next post will give background on why I sent this letter to my parents now.
Mom and Papa, 7-15-2016
I’m writing you so that there will be less chance of miscommunication between us. And, let’s face it, if, or when, we meet in person there is the possibility of emotions getting in the way of actual talking.
You are saying that I’ve been unwilling to come and talk with you. It is true that over the past several years I have had no desire to talk about anything with you. Your standard reply, from about the time I was 11 or so, has been that you don’t know what I’m talking about, I have caused the trouble since I didn’t come to you first (even if you were the cause), I should “check my heart for sin”, and/or I’m confused, wrong, a liar. This is confusing behavior, since you taught me that when someone “has anything against you”, you must listen to them, sincerely apologize, think through what they said and make a change in behavior according to what was done wrongly. I have never observed this happen between us from either of you to me. I distinctly recall me apologizing repeatedly to you both after I brought my grievances to you, which isn’t right, since one doesn’t apologize for what others do or say to one. Continue reading