A Letter to My Parents – Why I’m the Way I Am

Warning: this is a long, extremely personal letter, so get a drink and get comfortable. Also, the next post will give background on why I sent this letter to my parents now.

 

Mom and Papa,                                                                                          7-15-2016

I’m writing you so that there will be less chance of miscommunication between us.  And, let’s face it, if, or when, we meet in person there is the possibility of emotions getting in the way of actual talking.

You are saying that I’ve been unwilling to come and talk with you. It is true that over the past several years I have had no desire to talk about anything with you. Your standard reply, from about the time I was 11 or so, has been that you don’t know what I’m talking about, I have caused the trouble since I didn’t come to you first (even if you were the cause), I should “check my heart for sin”, and/or I’m confused, wrong, a liar. This is confusing behavior, since you taught me that when someone “has anything against you”, you must listen to them, sincerely apologize, think through what they said and make a change in behavior according to what was done wrongly. I have never observed this happen between us from either of you to me. I distinctly recall me apologizing repeatedly to you both after I brought my grievances to you, which isn’t right, since one doesn’t apologize for what others do or say to one.  Continue reading

How the Fundamentalist and Patriarchal Teachings Can Create Abusive Atmospheres: Part 3

So, what do Patriarchal teachings consist of, beyond what I’ve already discussed? I think this excerpt from Wikipedia lists it succinctly for us.

*God reveals Himself as masculine, not feminine.

*God ordained distinct gender roles for man and woman as part of the created order.

*A husband and father is the head of his household, a family leader, provider, and protector. Continue reading

How the Fundamentalist and Patriarchal Teachings Can Create Abusive Atmospheres: Part 2

So Josh Duggar saw the error of his ways 12 years ago, repented and whatever else they say he did. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. According to the teachings on how to deal with abuse in the system they prescribe to, all he needed to do was repent, ask forgiveness, and take the consequences that his authority figure (Dad) subscribed. Did you notice the lack of talk about the poor girls? Other than they forgave him. Based on my own experiences within the cultish teachings, I think those girls were told what to do and say, who they were allowed to talk to, and given an excuse for Josh that most likely involved the girls somehow bringing it on themselves (i.e. you really shouldn’t have sat on his lap, it’s inappropriate to ask your brother to scratch your back, you know you’re not to be alone in a room with a boy). They were made to feel guilty for his actions. Continue reading